Editor's Note: The working title was How Can Rolling Stone Magazine be Wrong All the Time? Part II.
Rolling Stone magazine rolled out with its Top 50 Most Disappointing Albums of All-Time list, and, per usual, it was terrible. For a magazine that has recently de-emphasized rock, almost every "disappointing" album was over 50 years old. There's been plenty of bad music, right up until today.
(Rolling Stone's ranking in parenthesis.)
Chinese Democracy (5) by Guns N' Roses - It took a decade, plus.... FOR THAT? That abomination should be credited as Axl Rose's failed solo album. For those at home wondering what exactly went wrong with Chinese Democracy, it can be summed up in 2 sentences. Appetite for Destruction was an essential album that embodied sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Chinese Democracy was an overproduced mish-mosh of cliches, oxymorons, and spliced together musical contradictions.
Tutu (-) by Miles Davis - Tutu received a Grammy, not because it was any good, but as a lifetime achievement award for Davis. Miles Davis was simply a broken man doing an impression of his former self after 1981. Rock Star Miles of the early 70's was long gone.
Lick it Up (-) by KISS - KISS' first album without their traditional face paint had fans begging for the group to put their make-up back on. Trying to cater to the MTV crowd, their sound was a million miles away from the blues-based rock that made them popular a decade earlier.
Songs of Innocence (42) by U2 - I thought U2 was an alright band, they had some nice singles, but I was never a huge fan. When the album was downloaded onto my ITunes account for free though, Tim Cook proclaimed it a victory, I thought it was a violation. Songs of Innocence was one of the worst albums I had ever heard in my lifetime.
High Rise (-) by the Stone Temple Pilots - Never should have been made. Everyone in the Stone Temple Pilots sued each other and Chester Bennington should have known better than to get involved with the DeLeos. Within 5 years, both Bennington, and the man he replaced, Scott Weiland, would be dead.
Lulu by (-) Metallica and Lou Reed - Metallica and Lou Reed should have gotten an A for Ambition, but they got an F- for execution. Which brings us to....
Cowboy Carter (-) by Beyonce - Just because you CAN make a country album, doesn't mean you SHOULD make a country album. With over a hundred writers and producers, and production costs well into the 8 figures, Beyonce made an album that simply exists. In 2 years, no one will be listening to Cowboy Carter in the BeyHive.
Cut the Crap (-) by The Clash - Whatever you think of Mick Jones, the Clash shouldn't have moved forward without him. The Clash went from the only band that mattered to just a band. London Calling was basically Strummer/Jones, Cut the Crap was crap.
Joker 2 Soundtrack (-) - Lady Gaga and Joaquin Phoenix singing 80-year-old pop standards instead of delivering on, really anything, from the original movie.
Clerks 2 Soundtrack (-) - The original Clerks release was the soundtrack of its generation. Clerks 2 was a simple, and poorly chosen, nostalgia trip.
Double Fantasy (-) by John Lennon and Yoko Ono - Largely panned by critics, it was John Lennon's full-time return to music. After watching the Get Back Documentary, I don't know how you can come to any other conclusion than Yoko Ono ruined the Beatles...and then John Lennon himself. The only reason Double Fantasy doesn't receive more scorn is because Lennon was assassinated shortly after its release.
Changes (-) by Ozzy Osbourne - Lots of artists cash in on cover albums, and for what it was, Changes wasn't awful, but the last track with Ozzy and his daughter Kelly? Yikes. That singular mistake catapulted Ozzy near the top of our list. That song was not Unforgettable.
Ray Stevens Gospel Collection Volume 1 - I could argue that if Weird Al Yankovic had never been born, Ray Stevens would have been the most prolific Novelty Act in musical history. Stevens' vanilla take on gospel standards would have ended any record deal, but Stevens is his own self-produced boss.
Agent Provocateur (-) by Foreigner - Their first work after the Platinum-selling greatest hits album Records, Foreigner would never be great again. (Even though they would release 16 more greatest hits albums.)
Eat Me, Drink Me (-) by Marilyn Manson - All of Brian Warner's legal problems can be traced right to the Eat Me, Drink Me album. The rest of the band was gone with Tim Skold being the only thing that kept the release from being a glorified solo effort. And Skold would be gone a year later.
Bigger! Better! Faster! More! (-) by 4 Non Blondes - What's Up was a great single that went Gold. The album also went Gold, but it was terrible and still clutters up discount bins at the local Record Exchanges. A half a million people were tricked into buying that album by a single.
Liverpool (-) by Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Welcome to the Pleasuredome was a really good debut album, and cultural touchstone, for Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Liverpool was the <thud> of a band crashing back down to Earth.
What the.... (-) by Black Flag - Black Flag's only album in the last 40 years is symbolic of the disfunction and choas around Greg Ginn's leadership. Right now, the band Flag has more original Black Flag members than Black Flag.
Cyclorama (-) by Styx - There are 2 camps when it comes to Styx, Team Dennis DeYoung and Team Tommy Shaw. I am 100% on Team Tommy Shaw, but Cyclorama was Styx's first go round without DeYoung, and he was irreplaceable.
Houses of the Mole (-) by Ministry - Paul Barker was the grounding, industrial core of Ministry. Without Barker, Ministry lost its center.
Love is for Suckers (-) by Twisted Sister - For what Stay Hungry was, it really wasn't a bad album. Come Out and Play was a good follow up, yet with no obvious singles. But there was a catastrophic, and fatal, drop off with Love is for Suckers, which essentially killed the band. (Minus a few reunions.)
Rockin' the Oldies (-) by Bill Haley and His Comets - Rock and Roll's Big Bang Moment is often identified as when Bill Haley and His Comets released Rock Around the Clock in 1954. That song was quickly followed by 9 more Top 10 singles. By 1958, Haley had released his SECOND covers album, this time set to old folk standards, and the hit parade ground to a halt. By the early 1960's, Haley was already reduced to a nostalgia act. On the very opposite end of the covers spectrum....
Smothered, Covered, and Chunked (-) by the Insane Clown Posse - ICP is an acquired taste with their original material, Smothered, Covered, and Chunked found the band covering tunes from artists as varied as Tears for Fears, NWA, and Yo Gabba Gabba. Even by the low, low standards that I have for cover albums, this one is really.... just not good.
Slang (-) by Def Leppard - The death of Steve Clark and the addition of Vivian Campbell sealed the band's creative fate over a quarter of a century ago.
Invincible (10) by Michael Jackson - The King of Singles had no timeless singles for, possibly, the only time in his career. And, as everyone now knows, MJ was not invincible, not in the least.
Party Rock Mansion (-) by Redfoo - Party Rockers Redfoo and Sky Blu were one of the biggest musical acts of 2011 and their upbeat anthems were omnipresent in American Culture. Unfortunately, though related, the two didn't get along very well. I chose the worse of the two solo efforts, though you could argue W.E.E.D. was more disappointing. Don't worry, LMFAO will be back, those two will eventually run out of money.
Hell Freezes Over Live (-) by The Eagles - Listen, I know Hell Freezes Over Live was a huge hit with all of the band's greatest hits. But for their career, the Eagles only released 7 studio albums, yet over a dozen live or greatest hits albums. Every decision that the band has ever made was based on money. Do you know when average ticket prices for concerts went over the $100 mark? It was the Hell Freezes Over Tour. If it's disappointing that you can't see your favorite bands from yesteryear in 2024 because it costs too much money, you can specifically blame the late Glenn Frey and Don Henly. This is just a reminder that screwing your own fans all started right here.
Frampton Comes Alive II by Peter Frampton - Frampton Comes Alive was one of the most important albums of the 1970's. Alive II focused on Frampton's work from the 80's and 90's. Let's be polite and leave it at that.
Other Voices (-) by The Doors - After Jim Morrison died, it didn't matter if the rest of the band already had their musical beds made, releasing Other Voices was a bad idea.
Welcome Back (-) by Mase - Mase found religion, and then forgot how to rap. But he was prophetic-like when he called Diddy, "the Devil."
Ooh Yeah! (-) Hall and Oates - Big Bam Boom wasn't a great album, but it still had some good songs. Ooh Yeah! was the sound of a band officially running out of ideas.
Automatic (-) by Jack Bruce - Eric Clapton left Cream and found overwhelming commercial success. Ginger Baker left Cream and created an artistic legacy. Jack Bruce left Cream and had limited commercial and artistic success until Automatic, where a bass-legend turned to the Fairlight CMI Digital Synthesizer?
Noctourniquet (-) by the Mars Volta - De-loused in the Comatorium was one of the greatest albums ever recorded. Every release thereafter was more inaccessible than the last. Noctourniquet was the noise that 2 geniuses make when they can't even relate to each other.
Chasing Shadows (-) by Black Tide - Black Tide was the next big thing in metal, opening for some of the genre's biggest names, including Bullet for My Valentine and Iron Maiden....right up until Chasing Shadows tanked, then the band disappeared.
Van Halen III (-) by Van Halen - There are those who preferred David Lee Roth (the majority of fans, and Alex Van Halen). And there are those that preferred Sammy Hagar (the minority of fans, and Michael Anthony). But there are none that preferred Gary Cherone.
Coda (-) by Led Zeppelin - Basically a sanctioned bootleg album. Sometimes outtakes and unfinished demos are outtakes and unfinished demos for a reason.
The Dream of the Blue Turtles (-) by Sting - After the Police broke up, Sting did not write one good song. The definition of pretentious.
Prophets of Rage (-) Self-Titled - On paper, the members of Rage Against the Machine, Public Enemy, and Cypress Hill, getting together to release an album sounded like an amazing concept. Unfortunately, expectations were not even close to being met.
Endless Wire (-) by The Who - It took 24 years to make, with 13 more years for a follow up. The Who should have just packed it in with bassist John Entwistle's death.
Diabolus in Musica (-) by Slayer - Slayer fans may not agree on the band's best album, but they ALL AGREE on its worst.
Adventures in Modern Recording (-) by The Buggles - The Buggles tried to extend their 15 minutes of fame for the MTV rugrats, but it didn't work, not at all. The album was tossed aside like yesterday's disposable plastic garbage.
Damnocracy - Damnocracy was a VH1 reality show that locked Scott Ian, Ted Nugent, Jason Bonham, Evan Seinfeld, and Sebastian Bach in a room together with the promise of the musicians coming up with an album. What the viewer got was one original single and a set of covers that couldn't be released due to rights issues.
Knee Deep in the Hoopla (-) by The Starship - Knee Deep in the Hoopla was pure pablum. The Jefferson Airplane and the Jefferson Starship were both great bands, but in very different eras. The Starship was simply terrible unless you liked overproduced elevator music.
Adios Amigos (-) by the Ramones - Dee Dee was gone, but they still used some of his songs. In 1995, the Ramones wagon had all of its parts falling off. After the opener, it is a forgettable album.
The Magnificent (-) by DJ Jazzy Jeff - When Will Smith went onto his acting career, DJ Jazzy Jeff took a stab at a solo career. The Magnificent is what the military would call 'collateral damage.'
Sea of Memories (-) by Bush - Bush recorded ZERO good music once they got back together. (Minus a few members.)
Specimen Box (-) by Larry Boothroyd - Specimen Box was promised as a punk version of the industrial band Pigface, but it fell well short of its lofty ambition. With over 50 punk luminaries as contributors, it should have been electric, instead it was pedestrian.
Long Awaited (-) by Suspect 208 - The ironically named album by 3 Rock Nepo Babies (Weiland, Trujillo, Slash) was average, at best. At least the band blew apart for the right reasons: Drugs.
Dark at the End of the Tunnel (-) by Oingo Boingo - Danny Elfman was distracted and band politics made it the final album with the horn section. Elfman would pull it together for the excellent Boingo album, but that was simply a last hurrah instead of a turnaround.
The Voyage (-) by ABBA - No album is worth a 40 year wait. None. ABBA arrogantly thought that holograms would solve the problem of touring, but the music itself sounded like the drug-addled mess of their last two 80's albums as opposed to their heyday in the 70's.
I say it all the time, you think my list is horrible? Make your own list and put it on your blog. Maybe your list would be better than mine. Here's the point though, Rolling Stone's list isn't at the top of the Google Search because of its quality, it's there because they PAY to be at the top of Google Search.
Music Journalism shouldn't be based off of who pays the most to be found.
Wait a week and see if you can find this article at Google.
I bet you can't.
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