In Defense of WalMart Thieves

When WalMart opened, simple concept:

Great Selection - Great Prices

Mr. WalMart questioned: How do we keep our prices lower than our competitors?

Pay our employees LESS than our competitors.

Then Mr. WalMart questioned: How do we keep our prices lower than our competitors?

Squeeze our vendors.

Then Mr. WalMart questioned: How do we keep our prices lower than our competitors?

Don't use security guards that we'd have to pay, strain local police departments for free.

Then Mr. WalMart questioned: How do we keep our prices lower than our competitors?Streamline our processes, lay off white collar workers.

Then Mr. WalMart questioned: How do we keep our prices lower than our competitors?

Prevent our employees from unionizing.

Then Mr. WalMart questioned: How do we keep our prices lower than our competitors?

Replace employees with self-checkouts.

Then Mr. WalMart wondered? Why do thieves walk in and grab merchandise and then just walk out?

WalMart Thief: Technically free is LESS than cheap.

WalMarts Close Due to Rampant Theft

Mr. WalMart: How can people do the wrong thing just for a cheaper option?

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Yes, I know Sam Walton died 30 years ago. After Monday's crushing loss, I'm thinking of doing less coherent stories and just stringing random thoughts together, like a younger version of Andy Rooney with less-crazy eyebrows.

Yes, I know Andy Rooney is dead too.